I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
