Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
