you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
