Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
