Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
time to smoke my breakfast
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
