can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
