ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
