Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
