I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
