I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
