No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Randomize
