i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
