You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
