im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
