Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
