So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
