He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
