I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
