I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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