Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
