He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The ass gains better be worth it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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