Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize