She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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