"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think my vagina is haunted
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize