I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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