You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
