Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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