Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
honey bunches of taint.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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