Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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