they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
