never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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