Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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