I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
