you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
