I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
