i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
