I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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