Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
