do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
