4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
