I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
