Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
