I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
