you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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