I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
