There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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