I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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