After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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