Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
