4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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