At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
