So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
