hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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