So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
