We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
