But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
