You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think I sprained my soul last night
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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