Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
