There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
