Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
