It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
