i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
