Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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