I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
