your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
