THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
