Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
