Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
