i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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