I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
