you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We left the knife in your bed.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
