just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
