Welp...herpes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
