Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
