In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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